In The Darkness
by the ticking clock
Summary: Trapped in a cell on Asgard, awaiting punishment, Loki reflects on his childhood, his mistakes, his memories, and his brother. Post-Avengers.


"Have you nothing to say for yourself, Loki Odinson?"

_Odinson. _

If not for the muzzle preventing his speech, Loki would have laughed. Laughed and shouted and screamed at Odin for having the nerve to call him by that title. He had not been addressed as a son of Odin in a very long time, and the name stung.

He glared, hoping the fierceness of his expression would be enough to express the rage he felt. He made his face blank and calm, narrowing his eyes, mostly for effect, and drew himself up as tall as he could with the chains biting into his wrists and ankles.

"Take him from my sight," Odin finally commanded, running a hand across his face. "Loki," the allfather leaned forward, as he had done so many times when Loki and Thor were children, and was scolding the younger sibling for telling another one of his life-threatening lies, "we will speak in the morning."

The pain in his ankles increased as the chains were pulled, but he tried to stand straight, tall, prove that he was still noble. Still a ruler.

He stumbled, and Thor had to catch him before he hit the ground.

**OoO**

The cell was what he expected-dark, cold, without any windows to let in light. A place he would have shied away from as a child, a place of darkness and ice, and whispers of old memory. He almost shivered, but steeled his nerves against the sensation.

The guards pushed him roughly inside, and he hit the ground hard, hard enough that his no-quite-healed bones cracked again.

He was glad of the muzzle now; it kept him from crying out.

Thor's hands were gentle as he unlatched the chains and tossed them aside, but Loki could see the thunder in the other god's expression, the fury that Thor was suppressing, and he ached to speak, to whisper and taunt, to see what would happen. He had done it often enough when they were boys, and Thor's wrath was entertaining to watch. Loki would enjoy something amusing now-

_No. _

Finally, Thor's fingers found the muzzle, and pulled it off.

Loki gasped, and then immediately seethed at his weak reaction. He needed to be strong now. Strong and cold. He needed to be the Frost Giant he was. Not Thor's sulking little shadow.

He stared at the other god for an instant, reading his face, but saw only anger. It was almost disappointing. He was half-expecting Thor to speak, to plead with him, to say that there was still good in Loki, as he had every other time they had met.

But Thor was silent as he stood and left the prison, and Loki rested his head against the cold floor of his cage, and let long-forgotten memories soothe him as his bones cracked back into place.

**OoO**

The guards were as dull as mortals.

Loki had tried to engage them in conversation several times, but they refused to even look at him. The infuriated him for reasons he could not explain, and he lashed out, snarling and insulting, tearing at them with perfectly aimed verbal spears, until they sent for Odin.

He tried his best to look uncaring and casual, but his injuries were still healing, and the pain showed on his face. Tilting his head back, he stared at the ceiling, listening to the sound of footsteps coming towards him, and thinking of what he would say, how he would hurt Odin, hurt him as he had wanted too when he had learned what he was. But this time he was calm. Calm and composed, not shocked and upset. The lies would flow freely from his tongue.

"Loki."

It was not Odin's voice, but Thor's, deep and sad, familiar.

He did not look up, and forced his voice to be bright, cheerful, knowing the facade would injure Thor more than harsh words. "Oh, Thor. I was wondering when you would come to see me."

"Stop this game, brother." Thor's voice was sharp, and Loki smirked. Thor. Everything was so simple in his mind: deal with the problem head on, hard and fast, and it would disappear. He had never been able to see that things were much more complicated than that.

"What game? You've defeated me. I'm locked up, injured, and-"

"Enough, Loki!" Thor slammed his fist against the wall of Loki's prison with enough force to send tremors through the floor. If the cage was not meant to hold a god, it would have caved under the force of Thor's blow.

Loki sat up, keeping his expression blank, and raised an eyebrow. "oh...I've disappointed you. What were you hoping for, _brother?_" He spat the title like a curse. "That father would welcome me back with open arms and everything would be like it was?"

When Thor said nothing to this, Loki went further, weaving the truth and the emotions together to make his voice rise and fall, sharply, seductively, tangling the other god in a web of his own emotions, of the pity and fear and love and hate Loki saw on Thor's face. Thor had never been able to hide his emotions-it was what made him such a terrible liar. "Were you really so niave, so childish to think of that? To think that bringing me home would change me?" Loki laughed, but cut it short when he heard it begin to sound hysterical. He made his last words as cold as ice, and shifted into his true form: red eyes, blue skin. "You cannot change me, Thor. This is what I am."

Thor stared at him for a long moment. "No," He said quietly. "It's not."

**OoO**

Loki laid flat on the cold stone of his prison and tried to pretend he had a plan.

He had never been out of ideas, out of tricks, but now, he could think of nothing. He needed to keep the guards in suspense, it made the whole chaos of his imprisonment entertaining, but in reality, he could see no way out of this situation. He was trapped.

So he closed his eyes and thought of his childhood. Of laughter and sparring and lessons with Odin. He thought of Thor. Bright, loving, beloved Thor. The older brother he had loved so fiercely.

The older brother he hated.

**OoO**

He did not particularly care what his punishment was, but they dragged him to see Odin anyway.

When he entered the throne room and was forced to his knees, the resentment and anger he had felt growing for so long rose to the surface. He could not shout(they had replaced the muzzle) But he clenched his hands into fists, so tightly that his nails dug into his palms until they bled.

Frigga watched him with sad eyes. "Loki, my son," She whispered. "What have you done?"

And there was so much sadness in her voice, so much disappointment, that he did not even think until later, that he was not really her son. He only thought: _Mother, I do not know. _

**OoO**

Thor was calm when he came to see him that night.

He sat outside of Loki's cell, knees drawn up to his chest, not looking at him, but resting his head against the bars, like he done when they were boys and would rest under the shade of a tree after a particularly rough sparring match.

"I brought you something." He said, finally.

Loki felt despite himself, a little interested. He turned his head towards Thor. "A surprise? how thoughtful."

Thor actually laughed, a low, throaty chuckle, and slid something hard and leather-bound through the bars. "I found this in the library. Do you remember it?"

Of course he did.

It was a book, old and worn, but it was the book that Loki had read over and over again as a child. A book of magic and danger and lies. An adventure story of two brothers. He took it, ran his hands down the torn pages, and swallowed hard. "I do."

"You read it so many times." Thor seemed lost in memory, and that was fine with Loki, it meant he didn't have to hide his expression. He worked to keep a straight face, but could feel his eyes beginning to burn with stupid, pointless tears.

"It was my favorite." Their conversation was odd. Not awkward, really, but almost forced, as if they were searching for something, something they had lost. Was it friendship?

Loki was almost frightened by the answer to his own silent question. He tossed the book across the room and turned away, stared at the wall, and remained awake long after Thor had left.

**OoO**

He dreamed of snow. He dreamed he had no body, he was only a pale, fading shadow, a being of flickering words, wandering through the nine worlds, ghosting along beside his older brother.

And then Thor was gone, like a light being snuffed out. Blood was spreading across the snow, brilliant red against the golden hair. And Loki cried out because he was fading too, fading and dying as the blood spread. Because what was a shadow without it's light? He screamed-

He woke with a strangled gasp, and realized that he had tore his bedclothes-his hands were fisted, strangled pieces of cloth limp within the cage of his fingers. He let them go, slowly, and pressed his palms to his eyes, telling himself that the wetness that stained his cheeks and burned against his fingertips was sweat and not saltwater.

He was always talented at lying.

**OoO**

Thor did not come to visit him for several days. He often heard raised voices-high and worried-and wondered idly what they were discussing. His punishment? Odin had still been undecided when Loki had left him the week before. Would they kill him? strip him of his powers? The thought was so terrible he flinched away from it, and twitched his fingers to conjure up a snake just be sure he still had his magic.

He wished, for an odd instant, that he could speak to Thor about it. His older brother had always known the right things to say to banish his worries.

**OoO**

The darkness of the cell was starting to effect him.

His dreams were dark-so he did not sleep at all. He stayed awake, restlessly pacing, or whispering pointless lies to himself, twisting his own words and memories until he was afraid that he had driven himself to madness.

**OoO**

He remembered when Odin had taken his son, and how he had acted like Thor-screaming and hitting and snarling like a wild beast until he broke down the door to the throne room.

"What have you done?" He had shouted at the allfather, the words dripping poison and grief, his hands trembling against his sides. "_What did you do to him?_"

In the end, it had been Thor(the only one strong enough to resist Loki's wild wrath) who had carried him, still fighting and scream, out of their father's sight.

**OoO**

Thor's voice woke him. "Loki."

Loki kept his eyes closed when he replied. "What do I owe the pleasure, son of Odin?"

He thought he heard Thor sigh, and then the sound of him dropping to the ground, as if exhausted. "Mother misses you."

Loki almost rolled his eyes. This was always Thor's defense, his back up plan to make Loki cooperate. _Loki, Mother misses you. _

He scoffed, and let his bitter laugh be his answer to Thor's unspoken question: _Do you want to see her? _

But he did want to see Frigga. He wanted to speak with her, have her hold him as she had when he had been a young child, have her soothe his worries and calm his fears.

But that was the duty of a mother. And Frigga was not his.

**OoO**

He remembered when he had been very young, and had lost yet another training session with Thor, and it had been Frigga who had healed his wounds. He remembered crying, having her arms come around him.

"I hate him," Loki had sobbed. "I hate Thor."

"No you do not." She had said, gently. "You cannot hate your brother. You cannot hate what is part of yourself."

**OoO**

He kept his eyes closed. There was no reason to open them. The ceiling was dark, the cell cold, and he was going to lose his magic. He was certain. Odin himself had whispered it, told it to the guards the night before.

How could they take that from him? It was who he was. His magic was part of him, it defined him.

Curling his hands into fists, he struck out at the wall as hard as he could, hard enough that the bones fractured. He healed them, quickly, savoring the sharp tang of magic as they clicked back into place.

"Brother."

It was Thor. Of course it was.

"Leave." He was ashamed when his voice wavered, and he cleared his throat. "Leave."

"I never wanted this to happen."

"Leave. Me. Alone." He spun away from the open cell door and ducked his head so Thor would not see the tears that were starting to fall. The tears he could not hold in.

A hand, warm and large and familiar, came down on his shoulder. "Loki, I never thought Father would do this-"

"Didn't you?" Loki snarled, whipping around to face him. "You didn't think he would break me? I am tool for him, and I've failed. He doesn't need me anymore. He doesn't my bag of tricks. He's taken everything from me but this-my sons, my identity, my childhood-I should have known it was only a matter of time before he took my life."

Thor's eyes were sad. He sat down beside Loki as he had often done when they were children. Sat beside him so he could Loki straight in the eye. "I'm sorry," He whispered thickly. "I'm so very sorry, brother."

And suddenly, Loki was in his arms. For a moment he tensed, tensed and started to pull away, but the comfort of an embrace, his big brother holding him, soothing him, was something that his body reacted too. He relaxed, and let himself go limp in Thor's arms.

He had hated his brother for so long, hated him with ever fiber of his being, but now he surrendered to him. In this moment, they could have been boys again, they could have been friends.

_You can't hate what is part of yourself. _Frigga had said. But that wasn't true at all. Loki could easily hate himself, hate what Odin had crafted him to be(Another stolen relic) hate living in his brother's shadow, hate his natural blue ice-cold skin and red eyes...

But he couldn't hate Thor. Never as fiercely as he loved him.

He wasn't Loki the Liesmith now. In truth he knew he never truly would be again, when his powers were stripped. But he was, and always would be Thor's little brother.

And so, he tightened his grip on his older brother's arms, and let himself cry until the tears soaked Thor's shirt, and until the rough hands seized him, and pulled him upright to end him.

**OoO**

He kept his eyes fixed on his mother's face throughout Odin's speech.

She was crying, he saw, her tears bright in the light of the fire, but their was iron in her gaze, and it strengthened him. He raised his head, high, proud, and regal as the allfather approached him.

He caught Thor's eye, and saw that his brother was watching him, mouth set, eyes glimmering, hands firmly gripping his hammer. Their was thunder in his gaze, and anger.

He forced his lips to quirk up, into a smirk, and saw Thor nod, a silent message: _I'm sorry. I know you know, but I'm so sorry. _

Loki closed his eyes as Odin began to chant, and spread his arms out wide, savoring this last taste of chaos before his powers were gone, and embracing the tears that streamed down his cheeks.

**OoO**

Afterwards, he wandered all the paths between worlds, halting finally, to sit at the edge and stare off into the void of darkness.

He felt cold, like ice, cold and hollow. Emotionless.

The darkness crooned to him, whispering pleas and lies and chaotic truths in his ears, but he was not attuned to it's call anymore. He had to strain to pick up the wild desperation of it's shout.

"I knew I'd find you here."

It was Thor, standing behind him, looking less like a king and more like a defeated mortal, with his simple tunic and pinched expression.

Loki could think of nothing to say, so he remained silent, staring off into the darkness.

Thor came and sat next to him, staring in the same direction as he. "Do you want to talk-"

"No." Loki said, sharply. "No. Not now, or ever."

"I can accept that, brother."

_Brother. _

For the first time in what was probably centuries, Loki smiled at the title.


End file.
